“A true Story”
It’s a nightmare to live with a hurting and torn out anus for more than a decade. Isn’t it?
It all began somewhere about 15 years ago. Yes, you read it right. 15 years. The root cause for this torn out anus was constipation. Progressively, with all these years, now I have developed a condition which I was actually embarrassed in the beginning even to talk about. It’s called Rectovaginal Fistula (RVF). A tract has formed by itself connecting rectum n vagina. And the effect is adverse. No. Wait, very much adverse!
Ok, now you would have deduced what topic this post is all about. So, if you feel reading such a thing is disgusting and discomforting and if you believe in ‘cut shorted’ posts over lengthy ones, then buddy, I suggest you don’t read beyond this. Thank you.
But if you’re ready to look at life in a broad spectrum, and you could listen to a woman talking openly about the topics connected with anus and vagina without any humiliation, then definitely you should read this post. Because life’s best lessons come from bitter experiences. From my experience I wanted to spread awareness on this particular topic and as we all know, “Awareness is Prevention”. So if you read this post, then I should say I really love you for your attitude.
Now, after diagnosed with RVF, I have undergone 2 surgeries in the past 2 months. But both the surgeries failed. Yeah. I know you will immediately think whether the doc hasn’t done the operation properly. Initially I too thought the same. But buddy, admit it, now I should be knowing about all this more than u do as I am already living with this condition. Agree? Out of my extensive research over the internet and getting in touch with similar victims of RVF all over world through support groups that exist, going for 2nd and 3rd opinion with expert doctors, I found it’s difficult to get guaranteed cure for RVF in the first surgery itself. If anybody reading this has got it cured, then knock on wood, you are lucky, my girl!
In RVF, the tissues between ur rectum and vagina wall is torn and you keep discharging yellow/brown coloured secretion which u can call it ‘pus’., sometimes u get fecal particles or even u pass out gas thru ur vagina. Sounds sickening? When you have a right hole for all these, ur body stupidly behaves redirecting them just because the reason you have another!?! Lolz.
Tissue repair/damage can’t be sealed easily like u would do for a cut on the skin. If its ur skin, it can be sutured. But tissues are soft and it can’t be done. So I went for a fistula plug surgery at first, in which artificial plug is inserted through anal canal and threaded in to the fistula hole in the vagina wall. The plug is supposed to merge between the tissues and form itself as one scar tissue sealing the fistula hole within 6 weeks from the surgery. But believe me; even before the stitches could heal and pain could subside, the plug came out through the vagina within one week. I was alerted abt dis even before the surgery saying this may happen sometimes with few individuals due to body’s resistance towards a foreign object inside. But I was positive, trusted my body will accept and thought ‘why to think negative’. But my immune system again behaved stupid enough to push that plug out! The surgery ended up in failure.
Again oozing with pus, abscess and acute infection I should say I was to an extent frustrated. Even before the surgery wounds could heal, the whole thing failed. All pain in vain.
What to do next. My doc then explained about the traditional flap surgery, where I will be attached with a bag (to collect poop) in my abdomen where my colon will be redirected to let out. This would make anal canal n vagina wall to remain dry and give space to heal. Once healed, there will be another procedure to repair the tissue. After the repair, again the colon will be replaced back to its pavilion and the bag will be removed. And the entire procedure normally takes 6 months of time. It’s actually a three staged surgery.
So how does it feel like? Horrifying? Disgusting? Distressing? For me, more than the cuts in abdomen and repairing the tissues, the thought of the ‘bag’ started killing me from inside. “Should I need to carry an external bag and show off my poop? I should be caged inside my home then. Socially that’s going to affect me terribly. Being a mum of a super naughty toddler, how do I manage all this?”, I felt devastated. Already I had quit my teaching job 3 months back due to this sickness. I was highly frustrated.
But then, gladly doc said me instead of that flap surgery, he would try another method called glue treatment. That’s supposed to seal the tissues. But again, it’s synthetic, it’s a foreign body as well, and success rate would be 50:50. The notions of shunning away even the thought of that ‘bag’, glue treatment seemed like one that’s going to give my lost life back, I was excited.
I went on with that glue treatment recently but to my horror, before even two weeks, the glue surgery failed too.
So doc’s suggestion after all these is, there is no better option than the traditional flap surgery, where I got to get operated again and live with a bag, feeling highly embarrassed, and after that I would not at all be comfortable to see any of you and should get locked up in my room. Physically, socially, emotionally and financially I have landed up in a profound misery now. And still I haven’t gone for that surgery. I will update you what happened to me in the next post once I work out something on this.
But, now, my mindset is strong. Very strong. I am highly positive. I read body healing books, positive motivation, self hypnosis and I started believing that I am already alright and the pain is over. I keep saying “I am cured, I am healed” so that I will be cured one day. Soon I will win this extensive battle.
So why do I write this post here, now? It’s not only to record about the pain involved with these 2 surgeries. You should know, I had already underwent a stapler surgery for third degree hemorrhoids (piles) 6 yrs back, Vaaft surgery for ano fistula 4 yrs back, then a polyp in rectum was removed thru a scopy, surgery for bartholin cyst removal plus I had a C section delivery.
And now I am living with another 2 failed surgeries for RVF.
Now, rolling off 15 years back, what happened to me was continued constipation. Then, I had fissure. I would bleed intensely during every bowel movement. Passing stools will feel like burning my anal canal with acid. Then later, it developed as internal piles with bleeding, and then external piles without bleeding but every bowel movement will be like delivering clots of fire…OMG, Horrible. I can’t sit flat with my bum coz it will hurt and I should lift one side up slightly. If you had seen it, that could have been some good fun for you, but still I would prefer to get trolled coz insults were no hurting at all when compared to the throbbing pain my anus gave. I won’t sit on park benches or that plastic chairs. Only cushioned chairs or couches were meant for me. Yes, after so my incidents, I started being open about my pain. I didn’t feel awkward to disclose it to anyone anymore.
And I was just 16 then, visiting preferably lady doctors, medications, sitz bath 3 times a day, high fiber diet, exercise and what not. I had some good days, but then I had bad days too. When I was 20, it got very severe that doc suggested I need to get operated. But my lovable family members and well wishers were taken aback with the idea of surgery at a very young age. They felt, being a prospective bride, the surgery might stop bringing any groom and it may also affect my marital life. And then, I was put thru this again. Followed with, I was landed up in siddha and homeopathy. But my anal piles were strong enough to ignore those “legiyams” and “ white pills”.
Coming to present, I have got a lovable and caring husband who took effort to sort out this prolonged issue just in few days after our matrimony. And that’s how my first surgery for hemorrhoids’ happened, but that was already too late. My blood vessels were busted inside the ano causing infection that was developing all through the years.
Till now, it chases me in one form or the other. What I got in the process is, torn out anus with permanent pain.
So now, women out here. I have got something to say to u. Oh dear, listen!
1.Don’t be embarrassed to speak out if u have constipation and symptoms of piles. Speak out to ur dear ones and sort out. Coz,more than ur embarrassment, your health matters a lot.
You won’t believe me, whenever I have shared my story, 3 out of every 10 women tell me silently, they too have some symptoms like piles and they ignore it. Most of the times, it’s due to embarrassment of being known about it in public. Girl, don’t be a silent sufferer. Anus is after all, a part of ur human body. Don’t be ashamed. (Coz I felt ashamed to tell this even to my family or friends when I was a teen, and now it has cost me big)
- Chances of RVF occurrence is associated with normal delivery as your tissues near vagina is torn up in multiple layers. So even months after post del, if at all you find any pus discharge from vagina, plz consult ur doc immediately. (Though mine is a C section, still I had RVF and initially I didn’t consider the pus discharge from vagina seriously, mistaking it for some other common discharge connected to women)
- Avoid constipation. Eat greeny leafy vegetables every day. Include rich fiber in ur diet. Drink plenty of water. Reduce nonveg. Especially follow all this wen u r pregnant. (Constipation in pregnancy can trigger unfavorable events)
- If at all you’re raising children in ur home, and if you ask them every day about “What happened in school?”, “Did you eat your lunch properly”, don’t forget to also ask “did you poop today? It was easy or constipated?” Let them be grown without any stigma to talk and being heard about this issue. Let them understand constipation is not a one day stand. It will have adverse effects.
And now, dear reader, mark my words, if u make the below rule as ur way of life, then you need not suffer like me. Coz most of the human beings, at least once in life, encounter constipation. And that’s the welcome door to invite all other related problems. And the rule is here:
“End every night without holding any emotional commotion and
Begin every morning without that f*****g constipation”.